Let's Get Physical
Wednesday, January 31, 2007

"God I need some coffee", I mumble to myself as I trundle reluctantly up the steps towards work. I had just left a two hour test for a promotional job and my brain was sloshing around in my head, scrambled with a side of toast.

Making a beeline for the espresso stand, I snuggle up behind a tall drink of iced latte in a leather jacket and hat. Waiting for the line to inchworm its way forward, I check out each inch of the 6 foot 3 lean muscle on my potential afternoon snack.

He turns and catches me with my imagination around the knees, flashing a smile hot enough to melt my bikini into a thong. "hmmm" I say to myself, "Coffee is great, but man candy is even better."

That's when it happened. The moment my fantasy man steps out of my bed and becomes...Jane Fonda.

The line moves an inch forward and my luscious pound of man flesh does a quick back breaking stretch, dropping his jean line and exposing a lower torso so carved into perfection that it would make a nun weep in appreciation. As my eyes drift lazily over his back, I imagine the ways in which I could memorize each and every etched line, mostly using my tongue.

Abruptly, my love train is derailed when Man Candy drops into a squat.
His long, lean, legs propelling his upper body up and down in a series of movements designed for a gym but more reminiscent of the bedroom.

In. the. espresso line...

My jaw drops as I'm watching his jean clad ass bounce in time to the squats his legs pump out in perfect form; leaving me feeling faintly flushed and in need of cool air. He straightens up and I let loose a breath in relief as we shift one step closer to my caffeine nirvana and a quick escape to the elevators, all thoughts of afternoon delight vanished in one quick aerobic moment.

Power Hour is evidently not over as he proceeds to do some arm stretches, almost knocking over a little old lady who is backpedaling like mad with her walker, trying to get away from his outstretched arms.
Moving from upper body stretches, he steps into a series of lunges that have people stepping over each other trying to get around the mad man in the espresso line. I'm strangling myself in my effort to not laugh as he finishes his impromptu performance with a series of leg jiggles.

He steps closer to the cashier and I can see him looking at me from the corner of his eye. Closing my jaw with a snap, I bite down on the insane urge to start singing Olivia Newton John's "Let's get physical, physical, I wanna get physical, Let's get into physical. Let me hear your body talk, your body talk, Let me hear your body talk"

"I will not laugh, I will not laugh." I repeat this mantra to myself as he continues to glance back at me.
I look at the ceiling,
the floor,
the poor old lady clutching her heart with one hand, her walker with the other...
anywhere but at Mr. Fonda.

Placing my coffee order behind him I keep a respectful distance between us, discouraging any form of communication in fear that the laughter building in my head will burst out, spewing upon his manly dignity.

I hurry to the Elevator, mocha clutched to my chest, dashing into it's cage as if the devil himself was behind me in leotards and bright neon pink leg warmers waving a matching sweat band and a poster of Jaime Lee Curtis. Gasping in air past my near miss and giggling madly to myself I watch the elevator close, blocking out the sight of his still appealing and ..um, ...limber, visage.

A quick flash of regret and my finger hovers over the stop button, poised to pounce. One thought nibbles at the back of my brain causing my hormones to go to war with my mind ...."hmmm, he is limber..."






22 Comments:
Blogger Callie had this to say:

Oh. my. goodness.

LMAO!

I wouldn't be able to hold my laughter in. I would have to let it out.

I could just SEE that happening, the way your wrote it. Very funny!

3:32 PM, January 31, 2007 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

Did your jaw drop, or did your drawers drop?

The latter makes for a much better story.

5:28 PM, January 31, 2007 

Blogger Carmi had this to say:

I see a future for you in writing romance novel narratives. You had me riveted from the first word to the last, and I don't even GET the whole luscious guy thing (not that there's anything wrong with that...)

Thanks for the smile. It's been a tough day, and this turned it around.

6:29 PM, January 31, 2007 

Blogger Keshi had this to say:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Keshi.

6:31 PM, January 31, 2007 

Blogger KaraMia had this to say:

Kal, while drawer dropping might be more interesting..it would surely get me fired and arrested...and probably not in that order..lol

Carmi, I'm glad you got a smile out of it. I hope your day tomorrow is better!

7:23 PM, January 31, 2007 

Blogger Troubles Braids had this to say:

Oh wow was that you? Why didn't you say hi? I had to do those stretches you know. For medical reasons.

7:49 PM, January 31, 2007 

Blogger TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre had this to say:

You know, that could have been HIM...Mr. Right! Stranger things have happened...

I met mine singing karaoke.

We go every week.

9:38 PM, January 31, 2007 

Anonymous cece had this to say:

If its meant to be you'll run into eachother again... LOL

10:21 AM, February 01, 2007 

Blogger Carrie had this to say:

Holy Shit! That was hot. I'm telling you I need to get your autograph before you are famous.

Cece is right, if it is him you'll meet again but it sure does give you plenty of thought during "alone" time. :)

10:31 AM, February 01, 2007 

Anonymous InterstellarLass had this to say:

Um, sounds like you need to jump right on that and ride away! Girl! You can't pass up those opportunities!

2:14 PM, February 01, 2007 

Blogger The "Mind" had this to say:

He might have been jumpable man candy but I would have howled with laughter. He's trying to hard.

Plus, that reminds me of the lady I saw in the Baltimore airport doing yoga...with a mat and everything. Serious cackling laughter ensued from me and my three friends.

5:19 PM, February 01, 2007 

Blogger Kal had this to say:

How did you know anonymous was me? (Not that I intended to be a lurker, that would be creepy)

5:44 PM, February 01, 2007 

Anonymous Gypsy had this to say:

Definitely trying way too hard. That was hilarious.

6:28 AM, February 02, 2007 

Blogger Steven Novak had this to say:

NOw that deserves an honest to god LOL. ;)

Steve~

11:28 AM, February 02, 2007 

Blogger Bob-kat had this to say:

May be he knew he was being watched?! It pays to advertise I suppose! :-)

1:44 PM, February 02, 2007 

Blogger Bob-kat had this to say:

BTW- forgot to say Michele sent em!

1:46 PM, February 02, 2007 

Blogger ƒåυνέ had this to say:

Um...wow...I think I need to go buy some batteries now...

4:42 PM, February 02, 2007 

Blogger Pendullum had this to say:

First time visiting...
And Boy was that funny...
Thank you formy mornng laugh!

5:19 AM, February 03, 2007 

Blogger Red Hot Sexy Papa had this to say:

Is this for real or fiction????

Heheheh

6:35 PM, February 03, 2007 

Blogger KaraMia had this to say:

Kal, when i got your first comment it did say it was you, but posted anonymous...weird no?

Red...sadly, this is true and a prime example of my dating pool. lol

7:08 PM, February 03, 2007 

Blogger HoosierGirl5 had this to say:

Oh. My. Gawd.
Those kind are still out there, aren't they?
I had an encounter with someone like him recently. Lord!

Good luck.
J.

7:24 AM, February 05, 2007 

Anonymous nila had this to say:

What a funny story. I could picture the whole scene. Great writing.

Mr. Fonda is lucky you contained your laughter. I imagine that woudn't have done much for his man dignity.

11:05 PM, February 07, 2007 

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