I am *so* not qualified to respond to this... not that it's ever stopped me in the past. ;-)
Honestly, I think these things are so personal for each person that what works for one may not apply to another. But as to my preferences:
1) I like a confident woman, someone secure enough to laugh at themselves and not take things too seriously.
2) Someone that enjoys life, looks at the positive side of things, is always ready for an adventure
3) For me, she'd have to be an avid reader... I normally have several books in the progress of being read around the house and I have more bookshelves than you can shake a stick at. Love of movies is a must, as a small-time critic, I have to see 'em and love to talk about them with other people! So good conversation skills required!
4) To survive with me, toleration or even love of computer gaming is probably a good trait.
5) Must love dragons, sport bikes, and overweight, middle-aged non-conformists with eccentric personalities. Ability to bake chocolate chip cookies a plus!
Hmmm... probably no suprise I'm still looking! ;-)
Oh I can do this. Michael is right though, things work differently for everyone.
I'm not going to brag but I was in a relationship for 14 years. I also have only been dumped once. I have dated more men than I care to admit to. So I think I can qualify.
1)Okay first things first. Be open and honest. Men tend to be scared if they don't know what you are thinking. They may not want to hear it all but they do want to trust you. I'm pretty shy when it comes to men but I try to be myself. I don't want to present anything false or misleading.
2)Loyalty is a must. If you date someone that you find you may want, don't date around. It really turns them off.
3)Men do not liked to be controlled or dominated.
4)They like to be needed. Now don't be needy but let them know that you "need" them. (This is one of my poor points.)
5)Be sweet. I am very good at being sweet. I can give this look that seems to melt them.
6)Sex should never be an issue. Don't feel like it has anything to do with it. If you go too fast, they assume you aren't in it for the long haul. Don't even mention it. Sex talk in the beginning of a relationship has never worked for me. It has always turned into something that I would run from.
7)Don't expect Johnny Depp. There isn't such thing. Also don't go for the hotest. Bad choice. If they are hot, they know it. I'm not saying that you should go for an ugly guy or anything but really looks only last so long. After the fire burns out, you got nothing.
8)Don't expect to have everything in common because if you are together long enough, it will just happen. Plus it is fun to learn from others.
9) Don't lead them on. If you can't see something in the first two dates, let it go. I like emailing a lot before an initial date.
10)If they lie about having kids. Dump them! If they try to hide that fact. Dump them! Children should be their most prized possession.
I could go on and on all day but I thought I would let the others in on this.
I've been in too many relationships, but I am very confident the one I am in now (15yrs) will continue to hold water for a long time. The secret? No games, honesty, friendship, equality, trust. Relationships usually start on equal footing, but over time an imbalance usually starts to happen. When that happens one of the people is usually trying to appease the other to keep the relationship going because by then a bond has been formed. These can last for long or short times, but they never go the distance. You need to be firm about who you are right from the start and be prepared to walk away if you aren't having your needs met.
I could write you a book on the differences between exhole and Pman.
1. First thing for me is the sense of humor. If it isn't close to mine, then why bother. For the most part, Pman and I find the same things funny. It doesn't have to be exactly the same, but I don't think you can be polar opposites.
2. Loyalty. I don't need to know where he is 24/7 (even though I do), but I do need to know that he's not sniffing around any other doors. Loyalty goes both ways.
3. Similar views on kids. I absolutely refused to even date anyone who didn't already have kids of their own. Showing responsibility and maturity in being able to care for them is key.
4. Similar values...again, not necessarily exact, but similar.
Above all, you have to respect each other...backgrounds, experiences, views and just each other as people in general. No relationship is always 50/50. Sometimes it is 80/20 or any other split, but it should never be the same person always giving more. That will quickly lead to resentment and breakdown of the relationship.
And sorry to say but I just asked Pman for if he remembers anything about me that kept him coming back...no dice. The poor guy is clueless. *giggle*
OH.MY.GOSH. You're so my hero!! Told ya I had to live vicariously thru you and well, this just makes it SO much easier!!! But some how, I think this little adventure of yours is going to have me spending lots and lots of time with Kendell.....ya know while you're out test driving men. Good thing I'm one of his favorite babysitters and all that! LOL and then you'll find the perfect guy and I'll have yet another reason to be jealous of you....can't wait to see how it all turns out!
Most straight dudes don't have hearts that go "pitter-patter." Hey, I'm old and set in my ways, but last time I checked, my heart went: "Thrum, Swish, Click. Thrum, Swish, Click."
Yeah, don't do what I did because although it worked for me, that was a total fluke. I met him at a bar, got drunk, blew him in the parking lot, and the rest, as they say, is history. It's been almost 10 years and we're getting married next spring.
Let me know if you try this approach. Even if it doesn't snag you a man, it might get you hot nasty sex.
Wow, its been 9.5 years for us so let me think back to the beginning...
Ok, when we first started noticing each other it was at work, he was my boss. Yup. I slpet with the boss. LOL
We got along well b/c I was NOTHING like his wife and he was NOTHING like my boyfriend. We were what we wanted from our SO's but didn't have/couldn't get. So natrually we hit it off.
I'm a fun, outgoing, spontaneous person. I'm honest and very caring. That is me being ME. So that attracted him.
With him it was his sense of humor, level of attention given to me and his pursuit. He asked me out a few times but I would't go out with him. I'm glad I finally did.
But don't do like i did, I got pregnant after 3 months of seeing eachother. For us, it worked out and we're happily married. But it doesn't always end up with a happy ending.
Hi Kara! Wandered over here from Carrie's site.
My best suggestion is to BE PICKY.
Use your past relationships the figure out what you don't want (or what you do want). WRITE IT DOWN. and DON'T SETTLE.
He's out there. As a general rule I think we (as women) get side tracked by Mr. Wrong or Mr. Right Now. If you're the type who is loyal - you won't be looking for Mr. Right while being with Mr. Right Now. (and he wont' come around anyway, no one worth being with wants that kind of drama!)
If you stick with a Mr. Right Now you don't have the time or the energy or the "vibe" that you're single and looking.
Don't overlook "deal breakers" (no job, smokes pot, whatever you HATE that just won't work for you) thinking that everything else outweighs it.
Seriously, that's the best advice I have. I think there is a certain amount of confidence that comes from knowing what you want and knowing that you wont' settle for anything but. It gives you a chance to focus on the other pieces of life and suddenly YOU ARE THE COMPLETE PACKAGE! Who wouldn't want a woman like you?! And then you can take your pick! ;)
(as a side note, my friend is having good luck with eharmony - despite the cheesie commercials...but then she's just recently made her list - I swear she used to laugh at me so hard...and she was the one always dating the losers. lol)
OH AND I love your blog. I'll be coming back! :D
Look for someone that you have things in common with, but who is just enough different from yourself that you are not always thinking exactly alike. Then form a friendship. Being friends is important, because when your old and gray and sex isn't as important as it use to be your going to need something to fall back on.
Once the friendship is in place the love will grow. Being in love and falling in love are two completly different things, We fall in love with a lot of people, being in love is the key.
Also the most important thing to look for is someone who makes you laugh...
Always look for someone who can make you happy
Just my 2 cents worth..
Hope this helps
by the way I found you via carrie
For some reason, if I tell someone, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend," it seems to make me irresistable.
Awwww...two of my girls came over. They will love you.
I dunno. I haven't really dated that much. In high school I dated, but got bored really quickly and ended up dumping the guy. I didn't have the patience.
I met my husband when I was 19 years old (at work), and the first time I saw him, I was like , "OMG, that's him!" It was love at first sight and we are still together, over 21 years later.
I am very lucky.
I will say, though, that he is my best friend, too. We are like the same person, only he has a penis. Friendship is VERY important.
If I WERE single, today, I would totally try the online thing. It seems safer to me than bars and clubs, believe it or not.
LOL Kara if u read my recent posts abt Mr.Darcy, u wud know how easy it was for me to LOSE a guy in 10days...exactly 10!
babez dun ask me for r'ship advice cos I cant seem to keep any man to stay with me. Mebbe Im not made for love.
ALL THE BEST TO U THO! Huggggggggz!
Not the best person to ask for advice... but i hate gfs who keep asking "Where are you? What are you doing? Why? With who?Why he/she?" and they call again in less than 10minutes.
I avoid women who whines and nags. I dont want to potential 'marry' my mother LOL
Choose your battles. That's what my divorced mom always told me, and it works. Like when I find an empty milk carton in the fridge, I could go off on a rant, but I don't. I save the rants for the big stuff. So no nagging seems to work. And I think it's important to have your own thing going on. Every waking minutes does not need to spent together.
I've been married 15 years, and didn't date much, so what do I know. We married very youg, so we were able to train eachother. Wish I had more knowledge to impart.
I'm a recovering single mother trying desperately to see humor in my day to day toil while simultaneously avoiding reality as much as humanly possible.