Can you say caffeine?? Ah, me either, I'm way to hyper at the moment to "say" anything. I'd rather just run in a circle yapping excitedly while mumbling complex theories to myself...but that's just me.
So, I appreciate all your heart felt dating advice, but now let's buckle down to the details soldier. Here are a few questions I want you to answer. Ready? Got a pen? Crayon? Lipstick? God Lord, hurry up already, I want to snag a man before menopause smacks my ass!
1) After the first date, who should call first? How late should you wait to call if he hasn't?
2)How available should you make yourself to the other person in the following forms? (in person, over the phone, and via the internet)
3)If you get a little..um, intimate, does it ruin the chances of a future relationship? (Hush up Gypsy..lol)
Ok men (I mean that in a strictly General George S Patton sort of way) that's enough for now. Ponder your mission and report back post haste!
On another note, let me share with you a little email conversation I had on my myspace page.
(this is a cut and paste of the actual email. All spelling and punctuation issues are his alone, I have enough grammar issues of my own to take credit for his)
Random dude with no picture(I HATE that): hello I just saw your picture an I wanted to say HI. also I was wondering what kind of men do you like
Insert pause here as I quickly click over to his profile to make sure this not some random ex boyfriend trying to mess with me or a Quasimodo descendent.
incredibly luscious single mother..ok, FINE, ME: Your profile shows you in a relationship...so then I would have to reply in answer to your question..single men..LOL.
I don't understand why he wasn't pleased with that answer....
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had this to say:
Oh, like I know the answer to these! Right.
My "dating" usually consisted of meaningful looks across a crowded bar/party; lots of alcohol; lots of booty shaking whereupon the object of my affection usually sidled up behind me and started grinding; after which the grinding continued in a more private location, without clothes.
Or some variation thereof.
Best of luck to you, from The Gypsy School of Dating, where our motto is, "If you drink it, they will cum... er, come."- 11:52 AM, January 25, 2007
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Carrie had this to say:
1) I like for the guy to call me but from experience we both would sign on and they would say hey. Don't always count on it saying available. I changed mine so it never says idle. If it is someone I really like, I'll call them. You can pretty much tell if you both made a connection.
2)Make youself as available as they are. I know it is game but well you know, we talked about it. Make sure you can be there when you think they will be available. Like don't call during work hours.
3)No. Not at all. Gypsy is living proof of that. Plus I know other people that are married or in relationships from a one night stand.
I'm so glad that you called him on the whole "in a relationship" thing. I also think it is good that you showed your sense of humor.- 12:37 PM, January 25, 2007
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had this to say:
KaraMia,
I am sent here by Carrie's blog on sort of a rescue mission I am told. But I see that you have things well in hand. Allow me to answer your questions. I will answer them from my perspective...A Divorced Dad of 2. I don't know if that qualifies for single but here goes.
1} I am a traditionalist and feel that the gentlemen should always be the first to call. Don't get me wrong, its OK if the lady calls...theres nothing wrong with that. But the obligation (I feel) belongs to the man. If the date went well...I would call the next day to listen (YES LISTEN) to the lady's opinion of the first date and to (of course) know more about her. Yes, to the gents reading this long ass response...It is all about her!
2} If the Gent is interested in the lady...he should make himself as available as possible. Phone, e-mail, mail, IM whatever. Whatever she needs!
3} No. In fact, I believe that intimacy should enhance the future of the relationship not ruin it. Of course if he can only last two minutes then there is a problem right ladies?
I caught that e-mail exchange...How sad. Should any of you fine ladies wish to see my example of a myspace page please come visit me. Http://myspace.com/flyinfox_SATX/
Hope this helps you KaraMia and by the way, you do have me curious with your self description of the "incredbly luscious single mother" description.- 12:55 PM, January 25, 2007
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Callie had this to say:
Nice conversation. LOL! Are you sure you weren't talking to . . . *nevermind* /snicker*giggle/
Anyway -
1- I prefer the guy to call first. There's that awful stereotype out there of the "clingy woman", so I would suggest playing it cool at first. You don't want to be known as one of those types. Ick.
2. Be available when YOU'RE available. No more or less. If he calls at the last minute, and you don't have plans, by all means - make a date. If you're online, then show yourself as online. If you're not, then don't stress. But I personally wouldn't go through extra measures to change any schedule for someone you don't even know yet.
3. If it feels right, then do it. I wouldn't stick to some convention about waiting a certain number of dates. You'll know when it's right. If you have your fun, and he seems less interested, well then he's not the right person for the long haul. It wouldn't matter how long you waited. And if you had some fun, then good for you!- 1:56 PM, January 25, 2007
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had this to say:
Bein the matchmaker that I am, I'm thinkin you should talk to that DD of 2 there...but that aside...
It's easy for me to say "act naturally" because I've been off the market a long time-but I probably wouldn't call him the first week...let him call. If he doesn't, that might say something.
As far as availablity, no games here. If you are, you are. If you're not you're not. Easy enough. Makes for much less lying to cover your hiney.
Speaking as someone who barely got out the door of the establishment where hubby and I met before consummating our relationship (on the front steps), I dont' think you want my answer.
It was 4 a.m., though. Anyone who had to watch should have been home sleeping-their own fault.- 9:53 PM, January 25, 2007
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had this to say:
What a sleaze. The guy, not you.
1) I'd say he should call. At the end of the date you should make it clear that you had a good time and that you'd like for him to call you. But he should definitely call.
2) This depends on how long you've been dating. And how much you like them.
3) I would wait until date 5 at least. Date 7 would be preferable. And that should be kind of plain ol vanilla if you know what I mean. Add in the sprinkles and the nuts and the cherry over time. Read: Give him just a little, and add on later...keep him wanting more.- 12:56 PM, January 26, 2007
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had this to say:
okay - i've been having issues w/serious internet slowdown and it has been frustrating. today i was able to quickly get onto a few sites!!
so
1) when rob and i met/made out for hours on end *blush* i made him give me his number and i gave him mine and told him that i didn't just make out with random guys and then not hear from them. he called me the next day (actually the same day, just hours later -- ahhhh college!). if he hadn't called me soon after i got home from school, i was going to call him. so i'm big on the If You Like Him, Call Him. i think the whole "wait x days blah blah blah" is just a whole load of C.R.A.P. heh heh. so call him.
2)i think, again, this depends on how you felt about him. i'd probably make myself pretty available if i realllllly liked him. i tend to do relationships rather than date. even when i think i'm going to date - it ends up relationshippy. w/rob, we were on the phone a LOT - it was pre-internet/ichat etc so we didn't do that. we saw each other as much as possible (i had no car until about 6 months after rob and i met). if i were just sort of testing the waters, i am not really sure (fucking lot of help that is, huh?)
3)no, i don't think it ruins the chance of a future relationship. that said, i tended to wait longer than most of my friends for the whole sex thing...
as to the jackass that wanted to know about you - holy hell. what a total and complete jackhole! your response was perfection!
HUGE HUGS!!!!!- 4:47 PM, January 26, 2007
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had this to say:
1) i never had those concerns, my dates and i usually knew if we were going to meet up again.
2) depends on how you feel about them
3) possibly. i have gotten intimate with a woman who i really liked only to find that the sex wasn't a match realizing we should have just been friends.
i will tell you this for free: i was never impressed nor happy about realizing the woman i was dating was not who she portrayed herself to be. be yourself from the get go. it will save you a lot of time and dissapointment.- 9:11 AM, January 27, 2007
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carmilevy had this to say:
Gah, some men are SUCH slime! Glad you navigated it with a smile.
I'm likely the last person on the planet who's qualified to answer your excellent questions, but I'm willing to dive in head-first. Here goes:
1) After the first date, who should call first? -- Whoever feels like picking up the phone. I think humans make way too much of a deal re. who calls first, when they call, etc. If it moves ya, call.
How late should you wait to call if he hasn't? -- See #1 - call whenever it moves you. No sense overthinking it.
2)How available should you make yourself to the other person in the following forms? (in person, over the phone, and via the internet)
Let your gut be your guide. If you're not feeling creeped out, use whatever media make the most sense. You can always use Caller ID and IM blocking if the potential mate turns out to be a freak.
3)If you get a little..um, intimate, does it ruin the chances of a future relationship?
Sex changes everything. Folks that claim otherwise are seriously deluded.- 4:15 PM, February 02, 2007
