You Want to Know WHAT??
Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I'm a statcounter ho.

There....I said it. I check my stats daily and usually cry...in the dark, in a closet (feeling guilty yet?).

Then I take a look at the keyword section and I laugh my not so insufficient derriere off. By far, my Jerry Springer post has garnered me the most interest. Pages and pages of keyword interest. Now, those of you looking for him don't stay long...but you do provide me with a daily chuckle and the knowledge that my impending transfer to the fiery flames of Hell will be a crowded one.

Today I thought I'd share with you some of my more, how should I say this?, UNIQUE keywords. Nothing like spreading the love...and making them come back to my site again. Bwah ha ha.

So without further ado, put on your waders and let's jump into the deep end.

Image between crotches of a gymnast: Note to self...look up where this landed when I get home. Note to weirdo looking for this, "Dude, last time I checked, gymnasts only have ONE crotch a piece....um...not that I'm checking....really.

Kendell Confection: Yes, he is a tasty little treat isn't he!

Kendell Storm: Oh honey, you don't know the half of it!

Female Gerbils: All I can say to this is, "put down the gerbil and run like hell!" No one at the pet store tells you that gerbils are like tribbles and that they will multiply till your house is full of little baby gerbils and gerbil shit. Run my friend, run fast and never look back!

I bite my cuticles: Hey...So do I! We should make a club...or something.

Lactating Gerbils: I believe I told you to put the gerbil down. Now your playing with it's nipples???

Corina Corral: huh, now I had a friend named Corina...but I swear I never put her in a corral...well, not so where it can be proven in court.

Redhead Cutie Freckles: Ha, honey, you're dreaming if you think you're gonna find her searching in google.

Northwest Gerbils: Back again? What is your deal with the Gerbils? Sicko.

Potty Training Drawing Circles: Did you think you were going to find instructions? I'm pretty sure if you want to draw circles with your pee...you can go right ahead with your bad self. I'm betting Carrie got some hits on this one as well.

Michelle lawyer ex-husband blogger: Don't know him. He sounds single...is he cute??

Life like fake puppies: Now everyone take a moment and lets think about this...Done? Good, cause I have NO idea what this means. However that will not stop me from using this at the office Christmas party, or anywhere else for that matter. When someone laments on their life after knocking back a few....I'm going to say, "yeah, I know. Life is like fake puppies" and then watch as their inebriated brain turns my statement into the most social philosophical statement EVER.

You know your a mother when: Honey, if you haven't figured out that your a mother by now...best to just back away from the rum bottle.

Rum gives me heartburn: Dude! Seriously....we need to get that club going.

No significant other: Sigh, same here. But I heard Michelle lawyer ex-husband blogger is available!

Kept Falling Out Bra: One word for ya, GLUE.

Dogback riding: Maybe it's a sport? Or a kinky sex game!!! ...um, not that I would be interested in that sort of thing....really.

She pulls lovingly: What?! What damn it. What is she pulling for GOD's SAKE!

And my absolute favorite keyword search to date....(drum roll please):

Child interrogation!!!!!

Seriously...do you need to look this up? I just tend to hang Kendell by his nose hairs and he tells me anything I want to know.

So there ya have it. The official proof that life is like fake puppies.

Smooches!






19 Comments:
Blogger Tom Bailey had this to say:

I like your blog. You really go in a number of different directions. You commented on a critique of my blog on "useless men".


http://sms100.blogspot.com/

10:28 AM, December 20, 2006 

Anonymous InterstellarLass had this to say:

Eh, useless men are a dime a dozen. But weird keyword searches? Priceless.

12:04 PM, December 20, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

Michelle Lawyer is quite cute, yes. ;)

Steve~

12:56 PM, December 20, 2006 

Blogger Carrie had this to say:

Holy shit! You had me in tears on this one. That is some funny stuff. And here I thought that you had your counter on to see if I was coming to visit instead of lying about not being able to comment on your blog.

As for mine, I get all kinds of Drawing stuff. How to draw a kitty, My son draws in circles, How to draw frogs, How to draw Christmas...etc...etc.

1:47 PM, December 20, 2006 

Blogger nikki had this to say:

okay, so we were on the same mental wavelength right here. i've put together a list of keywords people have used and pulled up my blog. you know we got some really nasty, skanky folk out there in the world. i'm gonna do my post in the new year when i get some more for the list.

in the meanwhile, you're about to get bombarded with a bunch of people using the keywoards "child crotch"...ewww

2:37 PM, December 20, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

I've had some weird ones, but yours are weirder.

But that puppy one reminds me of something from my chat days. Maybe I'll blog about it someday and get weird hits like you.

Then again, today's post on my nudist cousin is probably going to drum up some questionable searchers. LOL!

4:03 PM, December 20, 2006 

Blogger Mistress Yoda had this to say:

Those are too funny!

4:30 PM, December 20, 2006 

Blogger Michael had this to say:

Hmmm, I need to find a better stats tool... I'm missing out on the keyword goodness!

6:06 PM, December 20, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

Kept Falling Out Bra

I think that was my search.

No glue! Glue is bad! Let them fall out. They need their freedom!

7:42 PM, December 20, 2006 

Anonymous nila had this to say:

Trying to contain my laughter. Am at work, can't laugh too loudly. They'll know I'm weird.

11:50 PM, December 20, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

Most of the time for my Thirteen Thursday I blog hop but not always.
I start this time at Autumn Meadow who lives in Virginia.
I find Autumn blog non routine. You never know what Autumn will blog about and thats one of the main reason I have her as a coffee pal.
Take a minute and go over to my blog read #1 who is Autumn Meadow and your also on my Thirteen Thursday and check out few other blogs.

Stop on over and take a gander and I bet you’ll fine something that fancy you.

7:21 AM, December 21, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

Okay, I just about peed myself over your first sentance!! statcounter ho!!! LOVE IT!!!

Loved this post!!!! :) xoxoxo

9:04 AM, December 21, 2006 

Blogger Pam had this to say:

Okay, Karamia...that peppylady commentor posted the same thing on my blog. Too weird for words. I don't know if they are foreign and ESL but I went to their profile and backed away quickly.

Laughing and giggling over your search word list and your comments. That would be the only reason I have for putting a stat counter on my site. I just think they make you paranoid. I can think of two or three bloggers who are just frickin' weird, or rather get weirded out because they check their stat counters and worry about someone's IP address that they don't know. WHATEVER.
I hope you aren't that obessive about it. It's not healthy. If you blog...it's public and it's free. If you don't want it public then there are places to make your blog by invitation only.
Now...all that was really for those weird wacko bloggers and I'm too chicken shit to say it to their face. Well, that's not true. I have said it, only slightly less caustic.
Here's hoping you have a fab Thursday and I'll stop now before I embarrass myself or thoroughly piss you off.
;0]

♥Pam

9:46 AM, December 21, 2006 

Blogger FANCY had this to say:

Hello Karamia!
I have been laughin so my tears wet down my keyboard...*LOL*..: I am so glad that Peppylady let me know the way to your blog. you are an incredible writer.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

9:49 AM, December 21, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

** giggles **

Glad to know I'm not the only one taking tabs on stats !! But I must admit, you get some weird visitors...

The latest keyword for my site ?
"Sore legs on bed rest with lubricant" and " I am a shower person "... from the same visitor !!

You just gaved me a post idea though !!

2:46 PM, December 21, 2006 

Anonymous Jenny had this to say:

Gymnasts have more than one crotch? No wonder they're so popular.

Boy...Life IS a lot like fake puppies.

5:55 AM, December 22, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

The keyword searches you got hits for aren't all that bad. Go into hiding if you get keyword hits like: "girl on girl toe insertion (legal)" "emu taking a dump" or "fat dancing naked scoutmasters". Uhhh....first time leaving a message. Found you through random blog search and liked your sense of humour. I am not looking for Jerry Springer items. Honestly.

10:49 AM, December 22, 2006 

Blogger mlah had this to say:

km, a full fifth of the traffic on my bog is from people searching for info on, or pictures of piercings. i did a post in 04 about it. i still get hits.

11:10 PM, December 22, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

how did you get Corina Corral?

12:32 PM, May 31, 2007 

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