Decisions
Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I laid the envelope on the table as I shrugged out of my leather jacket. It stared at me while I bustled about the business of coming home. Walking from room to room I could feel it's presence in my home, this omnipotent thing that knew no thoughts or felt no heat. It called to me and for a moment, I resisted it's pull.

Giving in to the inevitable I grasped the envelope in stressed fingers and walked to my bedroom with it clutched against my chest. I closed the door carefully and sank down onto my bed, the envelope in my lap.

With a precision born of resignation I opened the flap and pulled the paperwork out into the light. The words seemed to move before my eyes, made alive and mobile with my apprehension. Taking a deep breath, I pressed my lids closed, accepted that these words before me were but a passing blip in this life and opened my eyes to the small reality that loomed in front of me.

Scanning through legal jargon, discarding verbiage like so much garbage, I delved into the document till I found what I was looking for; judgment: $183.50.

The breath left my mouth and I felt the world settle once again to a gentle spin. Like a tongue that delves gently in search of an ache, I probed my emotions, ready to reign in at the first taste of pain; but there was nothing.

Just me and this small set of papers. Inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. It did not render me helpless or bring me to my knees as I had feared. These words did not strike me down in despair nor did they elate me with joy. The stark black on white was just what it appeared to be...words.

The realization that this decision to lower my child support actually felt ok, was something that brought peace to my turmoiled soul.

In the end, it's just paper, and even paper can't change what has never been honored in the first place.

$183.50 of nothing...is still nothing.






21 Comments:
Blogger Cece had this to say:

I'm sorry it was lowered. That really blows. But like you said $183.50 of nothing is still nothing. Sounds just like my little sister's situation. *hugs* I'm sorry.

3:25 PM, November 08, 2006 

Blogger Kirsten had this to say:

I'm sorry too. But at least it's more than $140, which is what you were hoping. And significantly more than the $25 the scumbag was seeking. Any reduction is an insult but I think you fared pretty well.

3:53 PM, November 08, 2006 

Blogger KaraMia had this to say:

I think my biggest suprise was that I was OK with it. Took a few minutes for me to realize that. Chances are his lawyer will appeal the decision but i'm pretty sure it will hold. Now if we could just make him pay it...course that will happen about the time cows fly.

4:05 PM, November 08, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

What a horrible thing. I'll never understand men who run form their responsabilities.

Man, he's getting of light. Here in Massachusetts we'd have tarred and feathered him by now...

3:07 AM, November 09, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

Lowered child support...I'll never understand why this happens. And the fact that a lot of men (and I'm sure some women) have to be forced to take care of their children...why wouldn't they WANT to? *hugs*

5:35 AM, November 09, 2006 

Anonymous blackbeltmama had this to say:

I have a friend who deals with the same crap. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. No one should have to worry about whether or not child support will actually be paid or not. And lowering the amount? WTH?

6:59 AM, November 09, 2006 

Blogger Carrie had this to say:

I know it sucks hun but I want to take the glass half-full approach.

It is better than nothing. It is better that $25 and it is better than $140. The courts will make him pay. Even if they have to garnish his wages.

I say good for you Kara!

*hugs*

11:48 AM, November 09, 2006 

Blogger KaraMia had this to say:

Carrie,

I'm really ok with this amount, but the truth is, he wont pay it. He hasnt paid in 11yrs. In that 11yrs, he has never held a job that they could find in order to garnish. If he works at all, it's under the table, truth probably is he is doing illegal activities as per usual course of action for him.

12:32 PM, November 09, 2006 

Blogger Carrie had this to say:

What a piece of shit!!!

Was this man anything like this when you met him?

2:03 PM, November 09, 2006 

Blogger KaraMia had this to say:

When I first met him i was twenty yrs old, naive, and blinded by his confidence and not a little bit of lust. He was working 7days a week at a car audio shop. For a year that he was with me he played it straight. After six months of dating him I found out about his past but being young and stupid, I decided he had changed. Shortly before I found out I was expecting Kendell, he went back to his old ways. That's when I broke it off with him. He only got worse from there. Told me once when I was pregnant that he was glad that I was such a good person, that I would be a good mother. Not like this other girl he got pregnant, she was a gang banger. He had some girls beat her till she lost the baby... That's the last conversation I had with him as a young girl. I grew up quick. Got smart.

2:34 PM, November 09, 2006 

Blogger some girl had this to say:

Ugh.

It's still something, but it still sucks. Ass.

I'm sorry..

8:18 PM, November 09, 2006 

Blogger mlah had this to say:

moral victory at least. does he have any things? a car? a house? seems like i knew someone who seized some property once to have it auctioned for arears in child support. doesn't matter if it is paid or not.

yeah, one of my sisters has a similar problem. never had a dime of child support.

9:56 PM, November 09, 2006 

Blogger ƒåυνέ had this to say:

You are okay with this, Karamia, because you are so strong. That has been evident long before now, but this certainly proves it once again.

You have not survived the last 11 years without this dick head; you've THRIVED...don't believe? Take a look at yourself and that wonderful son of yours.

While I wish things could be easier for you financially, you've given Kendell more riches then most children ever receive.
(((hugs)))

5:14 AM, November 10, 2006 

Anonymous InterstellarLass had this to say:

Grrr. Anger. But I'm so proud of you. I admire you.

6:41 AM, November 10, 2006 

Blogger Carrie had this to say:

Wow! That was interesting. Don't you ever wish you could talk to that young woman? I had something pretty similiar happen to me when I was quite young but I didn't get pregnant. Men are bizarre, aren't they?

8:29 AM, November 10, 2006 

Blogger Purring had this to say:

Ain't that the truth and doesn't it just suck?

1:22 PM, November 10, 2006 

Blogger The "Mind" had this to say:

Well, it could have been so much worse.

Yes, it isn't just the men that run. And unfortunately, I think when it comes to the mother (and man, I'm using that word loosely in these particular situations) the authorities are even less inclined to pursue the matter. You know, because the man is the breadwinner. And it isn't the normal custody arrangement for the man to have custody.

Not like it makes the CS any less needed.

I guess they forget that money is for the child(ren).

3:29 PM, November 10, 2006 

Blogger HoosierGirl5 had this to say:

Wow, I have been there, and still AM there. My ex has paid the same piddly amount since we were divorced almost 5 years ago. And when he lost his job and refused to pay, I took him to court and MADE him pay. Now he has the nerve to suggest that the child support should be LOWERED because I make more money than he does now.
Never mind that as the kids get older they get MORE expensive, or that this year is the first year he has ever paid one penny toward any of their extracurricular activities. One Christmas he didn't send any presents, not even a CARD! because he said he couldn't "afford" it. Ex-husbands are slime!!!!!!!!!
You are like me, Kara. You take care of your child because it is your privilege and your responsibility, not because you "have to".
Sorry for the long comment. It's a touchy subject with me.
J.

4:19 PM, November 10, 2006 

Blogger Pam had this to say:

*sigh*

I just don't know what to say.

I'm sorry and I'm happy. For you and K. About you and K.

You are sooo adorable...why would anyone treat you that way. The world has a strange way doesn't it.

Here's to wishing you a major windfall, someone to share your life with (other than K) if that's what you want and the best of health. You deserve it.
♥Pam

12:19 PM, November 12, 2006 

Anonymous Gypsy had this to say:

I'm with ƒåυνέ -- you're ok with it because you're strong and you to take care of your responsibilities. It sucks. He should be a better person but he's not. You and Kendell are so blessed to have each other. Here's hoping you get some good news soon.

7:34 AM, November 13, 2006 

Blogger TamWill had this to say:

They should put his ass in jail for not paying.

I feel for you and I know how it is. I am glad that you are ok with it, b/c sometimes the rage can take over and thats not good....I know.

10:38 PM, November 14, 2006 

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