This birthday has been looming and I’ve been dreading it like a person dreads the last drop of water on earth. I wasn’t sure what was bringing on this reluctance, this avoidance of another year past, until now.
It’s that simple, it’s the passing of another year. 365 days that fall behind me, discarded carelessly like yesterdays clothes. And that’s how I feel my life has passed, carelessly.
So many things I have soldiered through in the last four years, it ceased being about the quality of life and became the necessity of it. So many months I was just putting one foot in front of the other trying to keep myself upright and do what needed doing.
This year I have awoken from my coma. Wings have unfurled under a brighter sun and what used to be me has yawned and awoken with the kiss of time. But with that awaking comes light into places I’d rather keep dark, aspects about myself that I’d rather not face. The fact that I am in a job that does not challenge me, that I let my weight get the better of me because I felt I didn't deserve better because I was alive when she was dead, that I’m alone in this world when I’d rather be sharing it. All these things have crowded to the front demanding attention when I’m much more used to not being able to notice them behind the emergencies clamoring for my attention.
So the passage of another birthday has been a hard lump to swallow. Yet I am still here, still putting one foot in front of the other and the important thing is I am waking to the sun.
So this birthday is about looking to the future, about embracing and accepting those things about myself that I can not change today and beginning the change for tomorrow; because my tomorrows are full of promise.
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Carrie had this to say:
Hooray! You are going to have a great year. I promise. You see how I did that?
He is so freakin adorable.- 1:16 PM, June 29, 2007
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Callie had this to say:
Happy Birthday!
This year will definately be better.
That is a wonderful picture!- 2:59 PM, June 29, 2007
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had this to say:
Oh yes, this is the beginning of many wonderful years to come! After all, you know me now, your life has definitely improved. ;)
Happy Birthday Kara!- 4:17 PM, June 29, 2007
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Kara had this to say:
carrie me love, you so Craaaazzy! lol.
aw callie, thanks!
Mind...yes my friend..it is indeed improved with you in it ;)- 8:09 PM, June 29, 2007
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Michael had this to say:
Happy belated birthday! Ah to be thirty-something again...
Regarding a job that isn't challenging, don't knock it! Do you *really* want to invest more energy in your job? I adopted a philosophy years ago that amounts to "work to live, don't live to work" ... if your job pays the bills and isn't too annoying, that just means you can take that energy you *don't* have to use at work and invest it in enriching your life in other ways.- 9:59 AM, June 30, 2007
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carmilevy had this to say:
I love your spirit. It's so forward-focused. I wish I was equally adept at turning challenge into opportunity. Consider me inspired.
And happy birthday! I hope you had cake. Lots and lots of cake. You deserve sweetness, after all.- 8:12 PM, July 01, 2007
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Gypsy had this to say:
Happy belated birthday! I'm glad you're here. :)
- 8:24 AM, July 02, 2007
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Augs Casa had this to say:
Hope you had a good birthday. Life is what you make of it. Something can not be controled, but you just grin and move forward. never look back. Oh, and 34...man you're one old bitty
- 8:45 AM, July 02, 2007
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had this to say:
Happy Belated Birthday. I hear each decade gets better. :)
- 10:43 PM, July 02, 2007
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Just a trumpet player had this to say:
Darn! I missed it ...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!
Hope you had lots of cake... and vodka, of course ! :)- 8:00 AM, July 05, 2007
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had this to say:
Beautifully written, and a belated Happy Birthday!
- 9:37 PM, July 05, 2007
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Deech had this to say:
Kara,
If you know what that magic switch is to get out of your coma could you please share it with me? My ass has been in a funk for the last six months and I want out...desparately.- 8:52 AM, July 06, 2007
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Michael had this to say:
Apparently, in your advanced age, you've forgotten how to blog!
;-)- 11:41 AM, July 08, 2007
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Dan had this to say:
Happy belated birthday you fellow Cancerian!
- 5:56 AM, July 09, 2007
