Once
Monday, June 11, 2007

I loved a man once
Loved him with the every molecule that permeates my existence
From the curling follicles of my hair to the fuchsia pink of my toe nails

I packed my hopes and dreams up in his pocket
Planned a future full of finished sentences and private jokes
I jotted my name down on paper and married myself to him with pen
Daydreamed a thousand nights in his arms, breathing him in with every inhale
Loving him in ways that would make my mother blush

I once lost the man I love
Watched him drive away, the gravel kicking up dust
Surrounding his truck in a cloud, each particle, days of the years we had spent together
I lay down on the couch, my head in my mother’s lap, knees curled in
I sobbed out all my dreams, my plans, my life
They lay forgotten, lost in his back pocket as he drove away

I lost who I was once
Mired in pain so deep I wondered how I did not just stop being
How could I not fade away without seeing myself reflected in his eyes
I wiped away my heart with each tear that fell
May I never love this way again
May I never hope for things so foolish
May I never lay in lovers arms and forget that what comes on wings,
May take flight and disappear on the horizon

So young, I buried that love for a man who never knew what he left
I turned my heart inward, covered it in stones
Folded my dreams away
Packed among sachets and faded memories
Promised myself never to let this happen again

And I haven’t…not once

Alone I have walked my life
I stopped dreaming somewhere along the way
Broken things don’t repair without help
I’ve been broken a long time






7 Comments:
Blogger Craze had this to say:

That is so sad.

2:30 PM, June 11, 2007 

Blogger Carrie had this to say:

Men screw up everything. Well most men.

2:56 PM, June 11, 2007 

Blogger Gypsy had this to say:

That was lovely. Heartbreaking, but lovely.

6:34 AM, June 12, 2007 

Blogger Flyinfox_SATX had this to say:

True - We men have devastated women in many ways throughout history. For some reason it seems to be easier for the man to bounce back...does that make us heartless? Shallow? I don't really know the answers to these questions. All I know is that I was taught that when these things happen to me that I should hold on to the one thing that will help me get through and succeed moving forward: Hope.

And ironically, the person that taught me this one simple lesson was a woman - my mother.

Don't give up on the good guys - they're out there.

Flyinfox_SATX

8:14 AM, June 12, 2007 

Blogger The "Mind" had this to say:

So much of what you write grabs my own emotions. This is one of them.

8:25 AM, June 13, 2007 

Blogger Troubles Braids had this to say:

We're all broken to some degree, but what don't kill ya makes ya stronger. Or so they say.

11:03 AM, June 13, 2007 

Blogger Tom had this to say:

Wow, that was intense. I felt your heart retreat in that prose. But I think sensed a return though very timid.

9:20 AM, June 14, 2007 

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