Thursday, March 16, 2006
Sometimes the words are so thick and crowded in my mind that my hands tremble to touch the keyboard. My fingers aching to expel thoughts like gusts of wind and my head so wound up in my words that I don't see where I'm going because my inner eye is only tuned into where I've been.
Then there are days that I am afraid.
Days when my hands tremble to touch the keyboard, but tremble because my deepest fear is that I have nothing of importance to say. Days when the only humor I find is in the memories left behind from better days, scattered about like toys abandoned in an empty house.
The expressions of dismay that sometimes find their way onto this page make me feel like a self indulgent child. That somehow sharing my struggles make me weak, that I'm saying "look at me! Isn't my life crappy!". My drama is no more important then anyone else's, but it's mine. I hold it close in a greedy hand, clutching it like a lifeline.
But these words, these small expressions of grief. They are my pill. With each one I type I can feel my grip loosen. I can lift my face closer to the sun and feel more of it's warmth bathing me in new beginnings.
So forgive my histrionics from time to time because letting them go, gives me back a piece of laughter that I have denied myself.
I am taking baby steps.
| posted by Kara at 3/16/2006 10:28:00 AM
Kimi had this to say:
Very well written and insightful...
Stopping by via Michele today....
- 12:23 PM, March 16, 2006
kari had this to say:
Immobility bad. Baby steps good.
- 2:33 PM, March 16, 2006
Linda had this to say:
Thanks for visiting my blog...no, we can't get airborne here in Germany, but I can order it online, and my hubby's in the states now and will be bringing some back...small comfort when one needs it right away.
Like you, I am not always happy to put the negative into my blog, but then I remember, I didn't start this blog for everyone else...I started it for me. That makes it easier to put the good, bad, and ugly into it.
- 11:02 PM, March 16, 2006
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