when life lies down beside me
looks me in the eye
speaks to me in the quiet hush
beneath a topaz sky
"There are events in your existence
that will sweep you away
where nothing done will allow you to guide or sway
times where you hold on
clutch to me real tight
a passenger on my merry go round
just along for the ride"
I lay there beneath a summer sun
with the world a weight on my chest
decisions swirl around my head
each shouting that they are the best
the noise becomes a cacophony
to which my breath keeps beat
till I bury my head in my hands
and give in to the heat
This is bigger then me
bigger then me
I don't have the answers
nor the books in which they hide
In either direction I choose
I will still be walking it blind
feeling with my hands outstretched, looking for the light
pulling my son behind me
...just along for the ride
Some days I just have to lay down
beneath a topaz sky
fingers buried in an earth
found in my by and by
whisper to the clouds above me
send wishes on a prayer
and give into powers larger
that they guide me from here to there
because,
this is bigger then me
bigger then me
Authors Note: Forgive the poetry...sometimes I can't help myself
Hike to the bathroom (you should be able to remove your bladder before
you go camping)
Hike to the Damn (damn Damn)
Hike to the beach (place where logs come to die evidently)
Hike to the fishing pier (fish...ha,)
Hike to the camp store (a.k.a.: Deliverance)
Hike
Hike
Hike
...I'm exhausted. I'll post more when my fingers stop hurting.
That is, if Hell includes a 11yr old bent on driving me insane,
a 31yr old man that wants to live in my back pocket,
juggling baseball practice and games with laundry, house cleaning and work,
drunk ass dog loving neighbors,
and two job interviews for jobs that I believe are already slated for someone else
I'm pretty sure it does
Yes, I know I've been a bad blogger friend.
I've pretty much disappeared and I'm sorry for that
I've got a lot to make up for and need to spend some serious time on your blogs, which I will be doing as soon as I come back from taking my son on his first camping trip and my first one since I was a girl scout.
Are we starting out easy with an overnighter..in a cabin?
Heck no, we're tent camping from this Friday and returning on Monday....and we are bringing the dog
(do you hear cymbals and the tinkling sounds of impending doom? Funny, I was sure I heard them)
Middle of last month Kendell was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder to go on top of his ADHD
Had a wonderful time trying to decide if the new medication was worth trying (IE: I cried buckets of tears and worried myself sick)
Kendell decided for me and we tried it
However I think it's interfering with his regular meds which = lots of trips to school to visit principal
....I'm really tired of that man
and I think we are going to stop the new medication, visiting the pediatrician today to decide what to do.
My mother would have been 74 at the end of April
I've gotten rid of the 31yr old man for various reasons, main one being he lost his ever loving mind...this will take an entire post of it's own believe me. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship.
I've had one job interview and didn't get the job. My boss told me I made a good impression, had to laugh at that cause evidently not good enough...next interview is tomorrow but I think they already have someone in mind for the position...
I got new neighbors that like to drink all night, let their dogs roam free and criticize me because Buddy is on a 65ft lead. Needless to say after a talk with my landlord, they're not allowed to come on my side of the property.
On the bright side, my boxing bag has been seeing more of me this month. We plan on going steady.
This has to be the most non creative blog entry of my life
forgive me
Drop from your life as easily and soundlessly as a turned leaf from the tree
Others are wrenched away with the tearing and agony of losing a limb
and they haunt you the same
you go to use that arm only to remember it's gone
even though you feel the ache of use
the flex in the bend of your elbow
you soldier through the ghost pains
file away regrets and hurt
move forward in life, adapting to the loss
the absence of it turns to acceptance
till a reminder of what used to be comes into your life
a messenger of past days, shared laughter and commiserated tears
and you find yourself again reaching with an arm that's no longer
there
Dreaming dreams of when you used to be whole
when life was innocent and sweet
and hurts were healed just by sharing
why's, when's, how's, no longer matter
only that ghost pain
that reminder that you are not whole
anymore
