Monday, January 26, 2009

There's a buzzing inside my belly
and the hairs on my body stand on end
I can't seem to stop thoughts from churning
they flip flop, end over end
inside like a crouching disease
disquiet grabs a handhold
I can't seem to shake free
from dissatisfaction claiming me
I want, but there is
so much vast emptiness
I need, yet
everything seems beyond reach
I feel, too much
all my senses are aflame
I reach for something more
but it still remains un-named
All I know is this restlessness
is taking over me
growing, building blocks upon itself
till there is nothing left but the yearning
burying me beneath
layers and layers of me

The year in brief
Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I haven't blogged much this past year, in fact, I wonder if anyone will even read this post.
So many things have happened;
I began a journey
I accomplished a goal
I was on TV..a couple times
I found myself and my pride again
I fell in love
I had my heart broken
I found my resolve tested
What a roller coaster 2008 was for me and it makes me sad that it ended with heartbreak.  I find myself wondering how to pull out of the pain of it. 
For years I didn't let a man close to me.  I had a lot of excuses why, but the reality was I was hiding from being hurt again.  So when I opened up to this last relationship, I had no safety nets, I just fell.  I trusted him, I bought the dream, and now I'm having to deal with the reality of losing not only a love, but a friend as well.  I think the friend part is the worst.  Now fond memories of our friendship are overshadowed by betrayal and pain.
I find myself looking for a replacement to fill the hole that's left.  I'm not shutting the door and barring the windows this time, but this looking has a pain all of its own.
You wonder if you will ever feel the same way about someone new, if your hip will align just right with his, if your head will tuck, just so, under his chin. 
I don't know, but I'm trying.

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  • Name:Kara
  • Location: Tacoma, Washington, United States
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  • I'm a recovering single mother trying desperately to see humor in my day to day toil while simultaneously avoiding reality as much as humanly possible.

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