They Call Him Doctor Love
Friday, March 02, 2007

I love my son’s new pediatrician. Love, love, love him!

Uh…that is…in a strictly non usage of rubber gloves way, of course.

Hmmm, not that I would use rubber gloves during normal fluid swapping.

Eek…not that I'm swapping fluid of any sort!…

Uh.

Shit!

What was I saying??

Oh Yeah…
We recently switched to a smaller practice when the one we had been using since Kendell's birth decided Medical World Domination was on their ten year plan.

In contrast, our new doctor is kind, remembers our names, doesn't shake us upside down for spare change, and most importantly, thorough. However, I had yet to experience the other doctors in this new practice....until recently. (dum da dum dum dummmmmmmm.) (You can just feel the foreshadowing can’t ya!)

His white hair, just a bit long, looked like the soft wings of a dove. His smile was welcoming and jolly. When he talked, he sucked you in like a not so bright child with their tongue stuck to a frozen flag pole. I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, intently listening to the advice he dished out like chocolate covered cherries. He had my attention, 100%.

I was making mental notes and thinking how nice this doctor is, how he seemed to be so interested in Kendell’s welfare, so interested that he was just as intently looking back at me…
Wait…that’s not my eyes he’s looking in.
In fact, he wasn't looking anywhere close to my eyes.
“What in the hell is he looking at?” I asked myself. “Is he cross eyed? Oh no…NO WAY!”
His eyes were locked onto my modest cleavage like a scud missile with its target in sight. I could almost see the countdown to impact clicking away in his brain.

As he turned away to look at the charts, I seized the break in his visual caresses to tuck the fabric of my V-neck t-shirt INTO my cleavage.
Yes, I tucked it IN. What? You expect rocket science??? I was desperate!

He turns back and begins to speak to the girls again, when it dawns on him that I have sent them away for their own protection. His eyes painstakingly crawl up my torso till they reach my eyes, exhausted by the effort; he seems slightly disorientated but manages to finish talking about my sons tummy aches.

I exit, stage left, as soon as I can escape the grandfatherly Lothario; hightailing my ass, Kendell, and the girls, back home to my non cleavage invading domicile.

It wasn't till I got home that I realized that Doctor Love forgot to even bother to check Kendell’s tummy….

Note to self…wear same top when being pulled over for speeding…
...and job interviews
...and first dates
...court appearances
...Fuck!...I'm never taking this shirt off!






12 Comments:
Blogger Carrie had this to say:

LOL! Big pervert doctor. Well he is a doctor, meaning he has money.

A few years ago I was on a cruise and my dress was cut pretty low. Well Adam and I were having this picture taken together and the photographer said, "lean down just a bit". I said, "you want me to lean down"? And said, "yes, you should always lean down". All of us were rolling.

2:53 PM, March 02, 2007 

Blogger Dan had this to say:

Ohmygod, that is so funny! But now I totally want to see a photo of you in that shirt. Can you blame me?? :)

3:27 PM, March 02, 2007 

Blogger KaraMia had this to say:

LOL, Carrie, have to agree with the photographer, but only because that's the time I have cleavage..if i'm leaning!

Dan,
you kill me...no one EVER looks at my cleavage, mostly because it's microsopic

3:35 PM, March 02, 2007 

Blogger The "Mind" had this to say:

I once had some guy who was so entranced by my cleavage that he could NOT look me in the eye. Until I looked down and said, "Listen up girls, George is talking to you." Yeah, his name was George, he was cute and a touch younger than me.

His face immediately turned red and he could barely finish the conversation. But his eyes were on my face then.

LMAO!

4:23 PM, March 02, 2007 

Anonymous InterstellarLass had this to say:

I'm sure even an old man knows a good thing (or two) when he sees them. :)

11:09 PM, March 02, 2007 

Blogger Cece had this to say:

You forgot one Note to self: Wear a turtle neck next time I have to take Kendall to see his doctor!

9:16 AM, March 03, 2007 

Blogger Flyinfox_SATX had this to say:

I think this is great! LMAO. It reminds me of the one time I went into a grocery store where the check out clerk (who was well endowed, I might add) Had a a T-Shirt on that said "My eyes are up higher".

Did this Doc just ruin it for the rest of us guys?

Flyinfox_SATX

3:00 PM, March 03, 2007 

Blogger Gypsy had this to say:

Maybe you should invest in some dickies. Dickies. Such a funny word.

6:46 PM, March 03, 2007 

Blogger miss tracey nolan had this to say:

Tucked in! LOL!

7:20 AM, March 04, 2007 

Anonymous TSM had this to say:

Insasmuch as I love to hear about a good doctor-talking-to-cleavage story, this does not explain the tiny tidbit of a tease we got with your last post about this MAN that you met!

SPILL IT SISTER!

8:22 PM, March 04, 2007 

Blogger Callie had this to say:

Ewwww! I'm sorry - I just hate it when old men oggle my cleavage.

But, if he misdiagnosed your son because of his wandering eyes, you can SO sue his butt.

;->

7:32 AM, March 06, 2007 

Blogger Friglet had this to say:

Did he forget to bill you too? ;)

10:36 AM, March 06, 2007 

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