Yes, I Know, Hell is Waiting for Me
Wednesday, October 04, 2006

You know I'm not petty.
Ok, well, you know I'm not in denial about myself.
Ok then, you know deep down I'm really a kind person.

Ok, Fine. You know all the above is just bullshit.

Now that we got that out of the way, let me be petty, guilt free.

Last night was another night on the town. Gowns sparkling in the crystallized glow of the silver danceball as beautiful women glided across a dance floor as if on skates.

I was watching dancing with the stars last night (you didn't really think I was talking about me did you?). It was the Waltz and the Paso del ..oblique or something...whatever, that's not important. It was the night that Jerry Springer has been waiting for. Yes, you heard me, Jerry Springer.

Yes..he is on this show.
Yes, he does suck.
No, I don't know why they put him on the show.
Yes, his partner makes him look like a bumbling fool.
No, he has not gotten better.
No, no intentional boob flashing...Yet.
Fights? No, but I think there may be some bumping uglies backstage.
Are you done yet?
Yes?
Good..now back to what I was saying..
Where was I?

Oh, yah, Jerry Springer.
So he wants to learn the waltz for his daughters upcoming wedding. Have you heard anything so sweet? Seriously, I was touched. I think I might have even sniffled...
Anyways, last night was the night.
I was all hyped up and even more so when they announced that his daughter was there to see him.
"Awwww", I said to myself, "How cute is that! What a good daddy."
(Shuddup, don't try and pretend you do not have conversations with yourself)

So I'm eagerly awaiting the quick shot of his daughter, wondering what she will look like. I'm imagining a blond woman, fairly decent shape, since her father has made enough money off the lowest order of our society to sculpt Rosie O'Donnell into shape, when they pan to this:

Yes people, that is Jerry Springer's daughter. I about fell outta my chair! (ok, I was on the couch, details, details...)

Seriously though, this child must have been a very very bad child in a previous life to get saddled with this genetic baggage. Just picture Jerry Springer as a woman, with the same hair and the same glasses...um, yah.(shudder).

Kinda makes you a bit nauseous doesn't it?

Editor's Note: When searching the web for a REAL photo of the young Ms. Springer, I found out she is legally blind, deaf in one ear, and was born without nasal passages. No nasal passages people!!. This is indeed Further Proof that I am going to Hell.

'Sigh', someone pack me some ice cubes please.







15 Comments:
Blogger mlah had this to say:

i like to watch an episode of springer every 6 months or so. when i see those tards, i realize i'm not doing quite so bad as i think.

usually scares the shit out of me though.

i keep waiting for the call too, i have family that could be on.

1:28 PM, October 04, 2006 

Anonymous ficklechick had this to say:

Oh yeah, you're definitely going for that one! ;)

2:15 PM, October 04, 2006 

Blogger Cece had this to say:

That's it! That's it! After reading your blog for the short time I have, I always felt this sort of connection with you for some reason, thinking it was your wicked sense of humor. I was right! No wonder I like you. LOL Don't feel bad about going to hell, we've got a bus load filled up with girls just like us & my friend is the driver! Beep! Beep!

2:57 PM, October 04, 2006 

Blogger KaraMia had this to say:

When I was about 21 I had a skating buddy that I was pretty close with. I was watching Jenny Jones one day and the two women looked pretty familiar. In fact, very. Then I noticed the topic. Men who date young girls. Um, yea, It was my friends mom, his 15 year old sister and her 35 year old boyfriend. Very, Very, BAD. I felt so bad for him.

4:39 PM, October 04, 2006 

Blogger Red Hot Sexy Papa had this to say:

Saying HI!!!!

6:41 AM, October 05, 2006 

Blogger Carrie had this to say:

Holy Shit Kara! You made me have tears of laughter. I think I want a seat on that bus with you and cece. I think we could probably put gypsy on there too. She would qualify but you my dear are going to be the captain!

9:02 AM, October 05, 2006 

Anonymous InterstellarLass had this to say:

Ooooh! Save a space for me! Why the hell is Jerry still on that show? All the WT voting for him? That's a scary thought. Also points out why Bush the Younger is still in the White House.

That is too funny! Grab your SPF 1000! You're going to need it!

11:37 AM, October 05, 2006 

Blogger nikki had this to say:

i snickered at this so i guess i'm going to hell too. what i wanna know is who is the sad lass who laid up with jerry? he might have money but damn...i'd rather just be poor.

12:00 PM, October 05, 2006 

Blogger KaraMia had this to say:

Captain, yes...I like that..lol
I do believe it would have to be a BIG bus with all of us on it.

Miss Lass, there is always room on the bus for you.

Nikki girl, that man's been divorced and up and remarried some dumb ass crazy women who has to have sex with him. I do believe he may be an agent of hell out to get all women.

12:38 PM, October 05, 2006 

Blogger Kal had this to say:

Oh my God, yup. You're hell-bound.

5:28 PM, October 05, 2006 

Blogger ƒåυνέ had this to say:

I'll bring extra ice cubes for you.

6:20 AM, October 06, 2006 

Blogger Just a trumpet player had this to say:

**giggles**
'till his last day, my grandpa thought the Springer show was an Soap Opera... We never got the courage to tell him that those where actual people... dumb ones but real...

9:14 AM, October 06, 2006 

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator had this to say:

Would it be nasty of me to say that Springer's daughter is like that because of karma?

See ya in the roasting pit.

Here from Michele's.

10:18 AM, October 06, 2006 

Anonymous mominprogress had this to say:

That's okay I'll probably be there to keep you company.
here via michele's :)

10:51 AM, October 06, 2006 

Anonymous Nari Younis had this to say:

Seriously, my co-workers and I laughed and laughed and laughed when we were talking about Jerry's daughter. And then we nearly peed our pants when we were trying to pull up images of her and got your blog as a search result.
The most ironic part was when I told them I was going to hell--before I read your entry. Oh man. That's some funny stuff.

2:23 PM, October 13, 2006 

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