Something Out of Cat in the Hat
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
There's alot to be said about friendship...It holds your hand when you cry, it doesn't judge you when you splurge on that triple chocolate confection, it hates all the people you hate, just on principal, and it knows EXACTLY how to guilt you into doing what it wants.This is how I ended up being on the living room floor last night covered in soot.
No, really, it is; let me explain.
My friend LINDA (you know who you are) threw a candle party. Being the loyal friend I am, I went (first mistake). Also being the friend I am I bought many things (not a mistake....mmmm, smelly in a good way). Then she pulled out the big guns.
If I were to throw my OWN candle party she would get more credit. Damn You Linda!!
The party is this Friday. Joy.
What this means is I am cleaning my house to prepare for at least fifteen women, on whom I plan on plying with liquor and chips to loosen the clutch on their pocket books.
Sneaky?
Yes. Shuddup.
How does this lead to me playing in the ashes? Hell, I'm getting there...
While I was outside supervising the lawn mowing by my slave child, I was sweeping the dog area and pulling weeds when I realized I needed to clean out the fireplace.
My fireplace is so full of ashes I could hide a small child...or a grown adult, which you will see shortly.
I head inside armed with my bag and dustpan and proceed to shovel out a good six months worth of burned paper. I'm doing good besides the inhaling of many toxic fumes, but it's all to maintain my self delusion of being a neat person (cough, cough).
I decide to suck out the small remainder with the vacuum. I open it to change out the bag only to see that the bag had commited suicide inside of the vacuum (forshadowing you say?). I get it all cleaned out and turn it on...why did I turn it on? Hell if I know.
What happens next is reminiscent of the explosion at Hiroshima. The vacuum vomits all it's innards filled with ash into my living room in one giant expulsion. I'm covered with soot from head to toe, the inside of my nostrils resemble a black out and every time I bat my eyelashes, soot explodes from my lids like little kamikazi planes. I'm sitting spread eagled on the floor, stunned, while this giant soot cloud hovers over my living room.
This is where my son comes into the room, looks at me, notices the cloud of death, shakes his head in dismay and turns on the fan before leaving the room, all without saying a word.
Yes, I've done this before...now shuddup and go get me little cats A,B, and C...
link | posted by Kara at 7/12/2006 08:33:00 AM
4 Comments:
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had this to say:
That sounds EXACTLY like something that would happen to me.
At least you have some nice smelly candles to burn...right?
Visiting from Michele's this morning. Remind me to wipe the ashes off my feet before I leave...- 9:30 AM, July 12, 2006
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Kal had this to say:
Oh my Gosh - that's hysterical.
- 5:44 PM, July 12, 2006
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OldLady Of The Hills had this to say:
LOL, LOL, LOL..What a horrific but funny story...Funny, because you tell it funny, my dear....What an unholy mess! How did you ever get it cleaned up??? Or, maybe you didn't! HA!
- 6:31 PM, July 12, 2006
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had this to say:
Ohhh Kara, and all this time I thought crazy stuff like that only happened to me!!!
- 7:16 PM, July 12, 2006
