Wednesday, February 01, 2006

It's been two years today since we lost you.
Why is it that it still feels like yesterday? I'm having a hard time this year without you. Selfish of me I know, but I can't seem to help it. I spend a lot of time dwelling on your last months in the hospital, I don't want to do that today.

Today I want to dwell on your life.

I remember when I was little and my long blond hair flowed past my waist. I remember sitting down on it and how it would yank my head back. I remember hating to have you brush it cause it was always tangled and how you would bop me on the head with the brush cause I was wiggling around too much. Hurt at the time, makes me chuckle now. Might account for some brain damaged decisions I made over my life.

I remember joining Girl Scouts and how you became a leader in order to spend more time with me. I remember how over the years it changed to my remaining a Girl Scout in order to spend more time with you. Though I would never have admitted it.

I remember the first time I got to stay up late and play Shanghai rummy with you, your friends and my older sister. How grown up I felt sitting there with all these adults and getting to have my own Coke and eat snacks till I could barely hold my eyes open.

I remember how every Holiday you made seem magical and special. How you seeped traditions into our bones with every year that passed.

I remember the smell of Chantilly and lipstick. The smell of hairspray and Pallmall cigarettes.

I remember being able to find you in a crowded store simply by the sound of you clearing your throat.

I remember you trying to help me with math till we were both in tears. Funny how that seems to repeat with me and my own son.

I remember being tucked into the couch with a blanket and hot tea with milk when I was sick. Being served soup on a TV tray and getting to watch soap operas with you.

I remember how you came to each and every event in my life. Nothing was more important to you...Ever.

I remember how your face held no condemnation when I told you I was pregnant and alone, only love. How you spent all day researching my options, all of them. How you told me you would support me in whatever I chose.

I remember the look on your face when Kendell was born and he wasn't breathing well. How you were right there with him. I knew that it would be ok because you wouldn't let anything happen to him.

I remember trips to the army base PX. Wandering aimlessly around, just looking. Ice cream cones, even though I was too old for Mom to buy me one.

I remember the faith you put in me when we would see one of your doctors. Faith to defend you, to advocate for you.

I remember the last time you really saw me. Your eyes were so happy even though you were in the hospital and in so much pain. It was as if you were seeing me as a child again.

I remember each and every time you sacrificed for your children. The things you went without so that we could have.


I remember love.

Miss you mom.


Blogger archshrk had this to say:

That's beautiful. I can't ad anything to that.

11:54 AM, February 01, 2006 

Blogger archshrk had this to say:

There is something I could add...
Hello, Michele sent me.

12:00 PM, February 01, 2006 

Blogger katehopeeden had this to say:

Funny how things work out.
We were both celebrating the lives of our moms in completely different ways yesterday.

8:42 AM, February 02, 2006 

Blogger kari had this to say:

Oh sweetie. That was beautiful. I have tears in my eyes. This October will be two years without my Mom and I miss her every day. My Mom was taken by breast cancer complications. Sucks. So big HUGS!!!!

2:40 PM, February 02, 2006 

Anonymous Kandi had this to say:

Kara: Since mom died, I have been so involved with taking care of all the necessary things that needed to be done, it was my way of keeping in control, I have never really cried because it hurt to much or because it made it all the more real. We went through so much during her time in the hospitol and after. I started writing about her and the first paragraph talks about how funny it is that we forget about the good things until we are about to or lose the one we love, mom was always there for us always she never waivered even when she really could justifiably do so, remembering Mom's smile and laugh and the way she loved us kids is so much better than remembering how she was taken from us but rather how she left us, with her heart imbedded in ours forever. Anyway...after I read this, it kinda broke away at my wall and I have not been able to stop crying, maybe it is time, so thank you.

love your sister.

7:54 PM, February 02, 2006 

Blogger MoMMY had this to say:

Beautiful tribute!

5:59 AM, February 09, 2006 

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4:24 PM, December 08, 2006 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

Enjoyed a lot! »

10:57 AM, March 02, 2007 

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