Dreams
Monday, January 30, 2006

I can't dream.

I don't mean the dreams that dog you throughout the night, causing you to toss and turn and sometimes question your sanity, I'm talking about daydreams.

It's daydreams that let you escape, give you hope, comfort you. Daydreams, in which many of us take refuge from the storm.

I'm not sure when I stopped. I only know I want it back.
I've always been a dreamer. I was your typical little girl that dreamed of a Prince Charming. I dreamt of discovering lost civilizations, exploring the world then having babies and white picket fences with my boy next door.

But I don't dream of him anymore.

I don't dream of me anymore.

I think I know why I stopped dreaming. I thought I found my boy next door once upon a time.

Turned out I was wrong.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Chapter 13, verse 11

Although I’m not one to take these things literally, it seems I did in this case.

I believe that there is no Prince Charming for me, that there is no more "when I grow up". I'm all grown up and there's no more dreaming of what could be.

When things went terribly wrong and my young heart was left bruised and aching I found the daydreams turned into taunts.

Dreams of what I couldn't have, what I wouldn't be doing.
So I shut it off.

It's like a ghost limb that's gone, but I still feel the ache of it. I go to use it only to realize I can't. It's not there for me.

There is no refuge for me in my dreams anymore, only sorrow.

I wish for it back; I mourn its loss.

I want to dream again.






3 Comments:
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills had this to say:

I hope you can get your ability to dream back, and soon!

I'm here from Michele, today, and glad I stopped by.

1:08 PM, January 30, 2006 

Blogger Carmi had this to say:

I echo OOLOTH's sentiment: I hope the gift of dreams returns to you soon. Even if they are not attainable - and most of them are not - they give us hope, direction, and a place to go when the world seems dark and cold.

4:16 PM, January 30, 2006 

Blogger archshrk had this to say:

I know the pain of which you speak. Or rather I once knew. It is hard to fathom now, but there is still a chance for you and your daydreams. I don't know what happened but I suspect that your dreams were dashed because your goal was flawed. What you hoped for was not sufficient to bring you the joy and happiness you imagined it could. But it's out there, and when you find it, you'll wonder how you could be so foolish for wanting to settle for the lesser treasure.

4:37 PM, January 30, 2006 

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